The Rule of Three

In our discussions this past Wednesday a few questions arose that I found interesting.  “How many sexual partners does the average person have?  What number, if any, constitutes too many or too few sexual partners?  What influences factor into these beliefs?  And how are these standards different for each gender?

The overall consensuses of the class seemed to converge upon the idea that this question does not in fact have a right or wrong answer in the traditional sense.  Rather these values are extremely subjective, constructed and validated through the comparison of different individual’s responses with those of their peers, mentors, and other forms public discourse available to them pertaining to the subject.

For the purposes of this blog post, my focuses lie not in how these standards are constructed and reinforced, but rather why this is such a touchy question in general and more specifically any possible underlying reasons why individuals of either gender might feel compelled to overstate or understate their true quantity of past sexual partners.

To better demonstrate these tendencies, I turn, yet again, to the film series American Pie, specifically a scene from the second film in the series.  Characters, Kevin and Vikki, formerly high-school sweethearts and lovers in the first film, have an interaction in which the question arises “How many people have you slept with since starting college?” or since they were last together.  Initially, they both appear flustered or caught off guard, their anxieties and second thoughts on the subject made apparent through their awkward speech patterns and body language.  Ultimately, Kevin claims he has slept with three different girls since starting college and Vikki responds with the same answer.  Shortly thereafter, their paths diverge and a back and forth parallel story structure emerges.  The scene cuts back and forth between the two each talking to their close friend about the awkward encounter and what the other’s responses truly meant.  Both character’s friends proceed to inform one another of a phenomenon they call “the rule of three.”  Essentially, their theory infers that when guys are questioned regarding the number of girls they have slept with, they predictably exaggerate this number in an attempt to impress their peers, multiplying their true number by a factor of three and claiming that quantity instead.  When applying this rule to the reported number of a female, the inverse supposedly occurs.  That is, females tend to understate the true number of past sexual partners, this time dividing their true number by a factor of three and reporting that number instead.  For example, if a male were to claim he had slept with 3 girls, the true number would be more like 1, or even none.  Conversely, if a female claimed to have had only one male sexual partner in her past, then in reality her number is more likely near three, or higher.

Immediately evident, are themes encompassed by Ward's concept of the double standard.  This scholarly article states the following: "premarital sexual intercourse is less acceptable and less important for women... The female sexual role expects women to be... responsible for setting sexual limits.  A woman's virtue is enhanced by not being sexual.  In contrast, the male sexual role expects men to be the sexual actors and initiators and to see women mostly as sexual objects.  A man's masculinity is enhanced by being sexual..." (Ward, 1995).  The excerpt does an excellent job of illustrating the underlying factors driving the differences between male and female indications of a willingness to share details regarding the quantity of previous sexual partners.  In reality both sexes might arguably derive equal amounts of personal satisfaction from their various sexual encounters with different partners, but when asked to share more explicit details or specific numbers these motivations take a back seat to a greater desire to fit in with ones peers and perceived social norms.  This effect manifests quite differently between individuals of opposing gender and the nature of these differentiations tend to coincide with themes inherent of the double standards ideology.  

The aforementioned ideology emphasizes male individuals as the initiators and constant seekers of sexual interactions with numerous females.  The objectification of women, most specifically masculine attitudes that each sexual encounter constitutes another accomplishment or trophy along the course of a greater overall sexual conquest, is a driving force behind typical male attitudes and behaviors exhibited when confronted by our inquiry of interest.  For the most part young men and adolescents seemingly inexperienced in the matter will feel pressured to live up to the socially desirable/acceptable or "popular" standards to which their peers and role models seemingly adhere.  It the comes as no surprise that when a male subject is publicly questioned regarding the precise quantity of their sexual encounters, those lacking what they consider to be a sufficient or socially acceptable value will tend to exaggerate and artificially inflate this measure to meet an "ideal" quantity, rather than admit to any potential deficiencies as a man implied by any shortcomings.

The female orientation to this situation is just the opposite of the male mid set, but still finds its fundamental basis in the double standard paradigm.  Just like their male counterparts, females often exhibit the same overwhelming desires to live up to the stereotypical female standards imposed by the double standard.  However, in accordance with this ideology, female individuals are expected to be submissive, virtuous, and commitment focused.  Accordingly, any female individuals presented with our inquiry of interest will exhibit the tendency to under-report the true extent of there sexual exploits, especially if perceived to be higher than socially acceptable values.  To do otherwise would invite possible criticisms pertaining to their sexual promiscuity, compromised virtuosity, and diminished overall desirability as a potential long-term mate.

As long as the double standard continues to persists, which it undoubtedly will for some time to come, we can expect to see similar response patterns amongst female and male individuals presented with the intrusive question, "whats your number?"