I decided to give HBO's Big Love a try last year after hearing glowing praise about it from my older sister. Her tone of voice conveyed that the show wasn't good in a life-changing sort of way, but a guilty pleasure sort of way. Despite her praise, and despite the show's overwhelmingly positive critical reception, I just couldn't get into Big Love. I watched 3 episodes before deciding I disliked it. Although I couldn't quite articulate what I disliked about it at the time, since I've taken this class, I can finally put my feelings into words.
If you don't already know, the show is about a polygamous family (gasp!), which is pretty much it's only selling point. The protagonist is Bill Henrickson, who owns a large hardware store and lives in a suburban neighborhood with his 3 wives, who basically take care of the kids and bicker all day long.
Bill was initially just married to Barb (the woman to his immediate left in the picture, and who's his age). They both grew up in Mormon families but left the compounds to lead a more "normal" life. When Barb got cancer, Bill suddenly decided he wanted to by polygamous and have more wives. Barb loved him so much, so she agreed to the arrangements. So Bill married 2 more women, Nicki and Margene, who were young enough to be his daughters.
I'm not going to argue that polygamy is bad. I'm not so interested in this issue of morality, although polygamy is widely frowned upon -- which is what makes this show so seemingly interesting. No -- what I'm interested in is how HBO decided to shape these characters and represent the polygamous relationship.
They could have made strong female characters, where perhaps one of the wives was his business partner, or they could have had jobs. Instead, all three of the women stay at home and get in petty arguments. Nicki (far left in top picture), for instance, shirks all of her household chores, doesn't take care of any of the kids, and to top it off, has a spending problem. A major focus of the first 3 episodes is Nicki's shopping addiction, and how she amassed a debt of $60,000, hiding the receipts in a cardboard box under the bed. And while this is all happening, the show expects the viewer to cringe and say, 'Poor Bill! I can't believe he has to deal with all of this! He works so hard and these women just spend his money.' Margene is similarly petty. A focus in another episode is that the three women were fighting over who would be able to take the car out, since they all have to share one car. This scenario seemed to me like an argument I would have had with my sisters when I was 16. But it's true --- the women act like poorly behaving teenagers. The show has taken these three women and infantilized them.
These characters all fall into the gender roles described by Holz Ivory, Gibson, and Ivory (2009). Namely, the women show high commitment to relationship, are homemakers/unemployed, perform household tasks, and take care of children. Bill makes the decisions, works for pay outside the home, gives orders, and financially supports all three wives and their numerous children.
And then, perhaps most interestingly, there is the weird sexual dynamic between the four of them. Bill switches sleeping with a different wife every night, or every couple of nights -- something like that. So they have a Bill rotation -- to keep it fair, of course. Each woman wants Bill's full attention when it's 'her night,' and if she doesn't have his full attention, she gets jealous.
The show portrays Bill as so exhausted having to keep up with work and family life, and on top of it all, he has 3 women always wanting to have sex with him! How exhausting! Poor Bill! This is really the attitude conveyed by the show, and Bill ends up having to take Viagra since he's so exhausted he can't get aroused anymore.
This was perhaps the biggest turn off for me (pun intended). I just couldn't sympathize with Bill, or frankly, care about his emotions. The whole premise just began to seem like some stupid male fantasy -- having 3 different women always wanting to have sex. So much sex, in fact, that he couldn't handle it any more! That's when I laughed at the show and stopped watching it.
It's interesting to consider that the 2 producers of the show are men. Even more interesting is that these two male producers are also the two primary writers of the show. No wonder this show just reads like an insipid male fantasy -- it is one!